After a long day of working, a seriously long day, what’s better than a bit of kicking back to a three hour music contest?!
Well, the series finale of Doctor Who, which perfectly sets up the 50th anniversary special in November, along with a beautiful minted lamb tea made by Mrs Pitts, cooked to perfection in time for the end of Doctor Who, that’s what.
However, following that up with a three hour song contest makes this evening among the highlights of the Saturdays of this year.
The idea here is to write about each of the songs, then present the result. I’ve already written about the semi-finals, and I thought that the songs in the second semi-final were stronger than the first. We shall see how they perform.
- France, “L’enfer et moi“ (“Hell and me”). I hadn’t heard this one before. It is a simple yet utterly forgettable song that seemingly has roughly four words repeated over and other again, ever louder until the woman decides she’s had enough.
- Lithuania, “Something”. Something about the shoes he’s wearing. One called love, the other is pain. Odd names for shoes. I still like this song after hearing it earlier in the week. Probably won’t get very far.
- Moldova, “O mie” (“A thousand”). A woman in a white and red volcano dress. It has to be Eurovision. Possibly the only time I’ve heard a song in Romanian. A nice old tune, nothing special though. Very like.
- Finland, “Marry Me”. Terrible. Sung in a (white) wedding dress, with a very Europop theme. Not my cup of tea. Finished with a random lesbian kiss.
- Spain, “Contgio hasta el final” (“With you until the end”). The lead singer used to be married to Fernando Alonso. She wasn’t with him until the end, their marriage lasted less than four years… The song is ok, quite nice. A mix of Spanish and Scottish. This is also a woman in a dress, but a yellow one, not white.
- Belgium, “Love Kills“. The youngest performer of the night, with his chaperones and tutors as dancers. A young Chris de Burgh lookalike, who couldn’t say over in the semi finals. A shame since the chorus depends on it over and over… The choreography kills it for me. Oh, and there’s the odd hippy hoppy bit in the middle that I’d utterly forgotten about.
- Estonia, “Et uus seeks alguse” (“So there can be a new beginning”). A woman in a shapeless white dress, presumably to hide the five month pregnant belly. Not that this affects the singing, which is lovely. I really like this song, but there is no more dry ice left in the world.
- Belarus, “Solayoh”. Another female vocalist, this time in a short, flappy thing. Apparently this was sung in English. Didn’t understand a word, apart from ‘Cha cha’ which was accompanied with ridiculous clapping. I bet people vote for this just because of that.
- Malta, “Tomorrow”. An adorable song, with all the words in the background, it tells a story of a boy getting together with a girl. “His name is Jeremy, working in IT…” This may have been written by a monkey with a rhyming dictionary, but I love it. I actually can see myself downloading this one.
- Russia, “What If”. Following last year’s grannies, which came second, is a woman in a dress. A pinky peach one. I also like this song, even though it has a Disney anthem style feel to it. Probably too forgettable to do much in the final placings though. Four backing singers accompany Dina Garipova, three of them knowing their place, one of them really giving it all as though his life depends on it.
- Germany, “Glorious”. Very similar to last year’s winning song. Another woman in a dress, sparkly gold this time. Not for me. That is all.
- Armenia, “Lonely Planet”. A relatively rare guitar based song. Five blokes on a stage. The lead singer appears to be stuck in denim clad eighties mode, the moustache confirms that. Not a bad little song, a little Black Crowes-y. Could do well as it’s different to most of the others, but I bet that will count against it. This suffers from the three minute song time limit, as a longer guitar bit in the middle would really make this work well.
- The Netherlands, “Birds”. A slow little thing to begin with – I must admit, I don’t recall this one at all from Tuesday’s semi-final. Quite dream like overall, but Anouk can sing. Almost reminds me of Annie Lennox. A solid performance which stands out as a moment of stillness in an otherwise hectic evening. Like it.
- Romania, “It’s My Life”. Oh. Dear. Me. I’d love to know how wide this guy’s singing range is. Half the song is in falsetto which, with eyes closed and under a veil of alcohol, could almost be a woman singing. However, Cezar’s costume made him look like a magician and I was expecting doves to appear from his massive collar at any moment. A modest amount of dry ice is used for this performance, the machine probably still recovering from Estonia’s efforts earlier.
- United Kingdom, “Believe In Me”. Bonnie Tyler knows how to work a wind machine. This is the first time I’ve heard this track – there are times when listening to Radio Five is a disadvantage. A gentle ballad which is absolutely lovely. Bonnie is in black, compared the white preferred by other. This really seemed to go down well in Malmö. Our result depends on how others vote though. I do like our effort.
- Sweden, “You”. The hosts follow Bonnie. A bloke, Robin Stjernbeg, in grey. And white, of course – it’s the colour of the night. A slightly dancy, poppy thing. Not really something I’d listen to, but it’s reasonable enough.
- Hungary, “Kedvesem” (Zoohacker Remix) (“My Darling”). The sort of thing that an independent American artist may put out after writing it in his bedroom. A nice song, but nothing special really. Can’t think of much else to say about this one.
- Denmark, “Only Teardrops“. The favourite to win. When I heard it earlier in the week, I didn’t really rate it. What annoyed me about this is that they are hitting large drums with pointlessly small sticks. Also, people appear to love the pipe that dominates the quieter moments of this song. Another woman in a dress, with some side drumming solider type people who both look like Ronan Keating. I can see why people like it and it’s on late enough to stick in people’s minds too.
- Iceland, “Ég á líf” (“I am alive”). Rick Wakeman lookalike Eythor Ingi reminds us that he is alive. If I knew Icelandic, I’m sure I’d enjoy this song better. It has a good melody, and the guy is a very good singer. It has all the hallmarks of a decent Eurovision song, including a randomly loud part, an odd change of key and an ending which repeats the bits you’ve already heard but sung by five people instead of one. I really like this.
- Azerbaijan, “Hold Me”. Accompanied by a man wandering around a box, mirroring the singer’s movements. That’s so fascinating to watch that I forgot to listen. Maybe that will help votes?
- Greece, “Alcohol Is Free”. I loved this one in the semi-finals. A bit of Greek traditional stuff to start that melds into a rocky poppy trumpety thing. The skills of their dancing make it, along with playing air guitar on the trumpet too. A slight nod to Status Quo in the movements though. No idea what it’s on about, apart from the few English words of the title. This sticks in the mind. Love it in a Eurovisiony way.
- Ukraine, “Gravity“. More dry ice as a 7 foot tall plodder, I only use this word as he is out of time with the music, brings on a woman in a white dress. I had no idea this was in English, I have no idea what it’s about. I assume it isn’t about Newton’s work. It has the feel of something that is taught to Year 8 music students to play on a Casio. Forgettable.
- Italy, “L’essenziale” (“The essential”). The last non-English piece by the last of the Big Five who don’t need to qualify for the final. Not the best of the songs here I don’t think. Didn’t like it. He needs to learn to stand still.
- Norway, “I Feed You My Love”. Another woman in a white dress with a plait that looks like it’ll hurt to brush out (so says Mrs Pitts, I hate no clue about these things). Again, I can see why people would like this song, but it’s not one of my favourites. It went down well with the crowd.
- Georgia, “Waterfall”. The dry ice machine has fully recovered from Estonia’s and Ukraine’s abuse to provide elaborate waterfall like movements. Why they didn’t just do a Jedward and actually get wet, I’ve no idea. A gentle song to begin that builds in typical Eurovision style – begin with bloke, switch to woman, sing together into the chorus, gently build up the bass, and the pitch. Stick in a moment where one of them can sing a note for a stupidly long time and it’s almost like there’s a formula. This pair aren’t the strongest singers in the world, but it’s a sold song. The problem is that it gets to that high point too early and has to struggle to keep the momentum to the end. But, I bet it’ll do well.
- Ireland, “Only Love Survives“. Ryan Dolan, who I haven’t heard of, sings this song that features highly greased drummers. I can see this doing really well as it’s last and very memorable. Plus, it’s the sort of thing that goes down well across Europe. A good end to the contest.
So, that the 26 songs. I wrote all of this during the contest. The results, below, are clearly from after the wonderful system has all shaken out.
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